"I miss her terribly and would do it all over again," the caregiver husband to me.
She was sick for many years.
Rheumatoid Arthritis inflamed her joints and twisted her bones to cripple her with immeasurable and disfiguring pain.
Dementia added to the final years. She forgot who her husband was, even though he was there every day and taking care of her every need.
"I had to toilet her, bathe her and feed her, and that was after I finished my day job. Some nights I'd pull in the garage, turn the car off, close the door, lean my head back, sigh deeply and wonder where I would find the energy to do all the required tasks." The home-care worker was finished for the day and passed off the night duties to the husband.
No family lived nearby. The one son had moved out of town. The other had died from a drug overdose a few years earlier. The demanding lifestyle removed them from socializing so friends were scarce.
He spoke of her with such tenderness, a gentle smile and engaging look of satisfaction. He gave me a picture of her--a youthful, beautiful version that she would have been proud of. That is how he remembered her, long after the diseases changed the external beauty.
THE ONE THING
God uses care to grow love, or God helps love be expressed with care.
Love is patient…
It is not self-seeking...
It always protects…, always perseveres.
Love never fails.”
I Corinthians 13:4-8
Hardly anyone who vows "in sickness and health" knows what they are committing to.
Neither do we understand what it means to accept the call to a ministry to care for people. The constant exposure to trauma, loss, grief and suffering brings us to those deep sighs in the garage, how am I going to do this?
When the demands are overwhelming, the question of "why" is added to "how" and the answer is the same. Because it is right, he/she needs me--because of love. And love comes from God, so we ask God to help us love, or he just gives us that love when we are too tired to ask.
But the time comes when love has prevailed. Care, even though grueling, has been given in love. While the relief has come and is recognized, the soul has expanded because of love and the value of each life is celebrated.
When you care, God is growing love in you and through you.
Let's build a culture of care.
Your care matters!
Your life matters,
Chaplain Dan
Rev. Daniel R. Hettinger
303.905.0478
