Valentines' Day is this week. Don't forget to check on those who have lost a spouse so then know someone, even if it is not the one they want, is checking on them.

Grief is the most common human experience.  Everyone experiences it and grief does not go away. Time does not heal this wound because it does not fill the hole left by the absence of the loved one they lost. We may learn to live with that loss, and the emotional pain becomes less debilitating, but that loss is a permanent part of our lives.

So how do we continue to live and even flourish when grief has become a permanent part of our lives?

My grief mentor, a psychiatric nurse practitioner, and veteran of profound grief, Karen Schoenhals, wrote, "To successfully grieve, not sinking into bitterness and despair, is to allow room in our hearts for both joy and sorrow to exist, to be experienced simultaneously, and to be openly acknowledged together. And the beauty of Christmas is Emmanuel, God with us, who lost everything when He came into this dark world to save us-- to walk with us through our dark path of grief and give us joy."

That Christmas card message is always relevant, especially during the cold days when winter lingers and warm weather feels like it will never come. Cold, dark, lonely emotions can feel like joy will never come.

To grieve appropriately helps us make room in our souls for joy to also exist.

It is counter intuitive. I believe our culture would be healthier and happier if we grieved more.  There have been many losses that hide in our souls, tormenting us in undiagnosed ways. They prevent our flourishing. To not fear the dark feelings makes room in our souls for a more truthful, complete and redemptive reality to exist.

Stephen Ministries offers us a tool to use to help the grieving.

It is not an ineffective attempt at a quick fix for sadness. You are supplied with a resource that helps you connect four times a year as a person experiences grief in different ways and phases. You can order it, even if you do not have a Stephen Ministry in your church or if you are not a Stephen Minister. Log on to https://www.stephenministries.org/griefresources/default.cfm/774?mnb=1 to learn more about the books.  Scroll to the bottom of their page to order online.

Support for a grieving person is valuable beyond measure. Your support will help them endure the winter of the life until the thaw of spring finally comes and with your presence, it will come.