"I'm generally grumpy." 

The five guys I was having breakfast with were all in the same boat. That mood is common these days.

Their work and family experiences varied a lot revealing that this "bad mood" is wide spread. The feeling that the "wheels-are-falling-off" exists with different personalities. Life seems to be lived under a dark cloud . This can-do, strong and successful group of men is feeling the emotional toll of inflation, culture wars, political drama, changing business culture, irritable customers and clients, not to mention their own family struggles and needs.

Encouragement should not deny the dark reality of our times.

To encourage, we need to go to the dark places. It is in and through hardship that God heals, comforts and provides new courage that is refined and refocused with new skills for strategic results.

My mentor in grief taught this powerful lesson in her Christmas quote a few years ago.

"To successfully grieve, not sinking into bitterness and despair, is to allow room in our hearts for both joy and sorrow to exist, to be experienced simultaneously, and to be openly acknowledged together. And the beauty of Christmas is Emmanuel, God with us, who lost everything when He came into this dark world to save us-- to walk with us through our dark path of grief and give us joy."

 Written by Karen Schoenhals

To "look on the bright side" and try to "think positive thoughts" is not the way to encourage.

Since the happy place is our desire it is natural to try and find it or focus on the positive as if that makes the dark go away. But it does not.

For many years I thought my positive outlook and optimism, that enabled me to always see the glass half full, was the path to encouragement. It does help me believe that good might exist within the problem or come out of the crisis. But it also causes me to miss the painful reality and the deeper work of God.

With this group on this day I did not revert to my old ways of trying to cheer them up by pointing them to the good things that are happening. 

Instead I went to the dark mood and the concerns that troubled them.

Present in their dark space and validating them as beloved friends, I acknowledged the current reality with its many losses. 

From that place we acknowledged that the Scriptures we read and the God that we worship is for all people in all circumstances and throughout all of time. God worked in the plagues, wars and famines of history. We saw the span of time that the Scriptures have existed and our application was more accurate and insightful that before. We found hope in the God who has sustained humanity in all circumstances and all places.

And a flickering light of encouragement began to shine as new courage, but with greater substance than a pep talk would provide.

Presence, listening and patience, the skills of care, fit in every setting.

When we use these skills we are relief and encouragement to a people who are struggling in a world that is spinning out-of-control. It is from the dark that authentic joy emerges. Eventually, people do arrive at their happy place and they are refined with wisdom and compassion.

Every time you care  effectively and encourage the discouraged it makes a difference that is beyond measure.